Always and Forever
by Songstress Yunie
Summary: What is the purpose of a soldier after the war is over? Heero struggles to find the answer to that question, so he tells Duo that he loves him...


Always and Forever  
  
by Umi  
  
December 2000  
  
Disclaimer: Heero, Duo, and all Gundam Wing characters belong to Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, and Bandai, not me! I'm not making any money off this!  
  
WARNING: This contains shounen-ai, which means male/male love! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, please just don't read this fic!  
  
Note: The song in this fic is "Sweet Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan. It's such a sad song...  
  
  
Heero scowled as he entered the large ballroom. There were many people dressed in dashing suits and glimmering gowns. Everyone was happy. Everyone, except him.  
  
Not to say he wasn't glad that Relena had found a man who loved her, a man to spend the rest of her life with. He was pleased, and relieved, that that man wasn't him.  
  
But, the fact remained that he hated social gatherings. In fact, he'd rather be somewhere else.  
  
A part of him even preferred to be back in the midst of the war, fighting with the other Gundam pilots. Fighting with Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and...  
  
Duo.  
  
Heero sighed. After the pilots were relieved of their duties, their mission, they went their separate ways. And I haven't seen Duo since. Throughout all the time that we had together, I wasn't able to tell him how much I care for him, how much I love him...  
  
Damn it! What am I thinking!? Why can't I stop thinking about him!? What's wrong with me!? Heero clenched his hand into a tight fist.  
  
Damn that Duo... If he wasn't around, I... I wouldn't be in such a mess! I wouldn't have to fight these... these feelings!  
  
If he wasn't around I wouldn't even be here at this party...  
  
Wait, what am I thinking!? There's no way I came here to see him!!  
  
That's right, isn't it?  
****  
  
Heero leaned against a wall, arms crossed. He had just finished talking to Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei. They all came to give their best wishes to Relena, and Heero was surprised at how they had changed...  
  
Quatre was studying literature and music at a prestigious school. Trowa was continuing his career as a popular circus clown. Even Wufei was busy intensifying his martial arts training.  
  
They were now truly happy.  
  
They had all been able to move on with their lives. They had pursued their others interests, things which didn't involve fighting or bloodshed. They had learned to live without the fighting, without each other...  
  
Heero closed his eyes. Why couldn't I have done the same?  
  
Why couldn't I find something worth living for?  
  
What's the point of a soldier after the fighting's over?  
  
Heero shook his head. Too many questions...  
  
Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei all found their answers... I wonder if Duo has?  
  
Where is he?  
  
Heero quickly scanned the room, finding no sign of the braided pilot. Instead he spotted Relena walking over to him. She also seemed to have grown, to have made her life worth something after the war, not like Heero...  
  
"Why Heero, how handsome you look this evening? Just like you used to!"  
  
"Thanks. You look nice too." Heero mustered a smile. "Congratulations for finding yourself a husband. I hope that you two will have a happy life together."  
  
"Thank you very much, Heero." Relena beamed. "However, Heero, may I ask you something?"  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"Where is Duo?"  
  
Heero felt his chest throb with pain. His heart ached... Duo... He carefully closed his eyes, and then looked at Relena. "I don't know. Why would you ask me?"   
  
"I don't know, I guess I just assumed that you two had kept in touch with each other."   
  
"Never assume anything." Relena was shocked at Heero's suddenly harsh tone. "Assumptions only lead to trouble... No, we haven't kept in touch." Not since that day...  
  
"Oh."  
  
But it's not like I haven't wanted to... It's not like I haven't wished to hear his voice again, or to see his smile. I've wanted to so much. So much... Heero lowered his head, his eyes darkening.  
  
"Hey there gorgeous! Nice wedding dress!" Heero turned at the familiar voice. The voice that had been haunting his dreams, the voice that had plagued his every waking moment... Duo...  
  
"Duo! You've made it!" Relena grinned.   
  
"Of course! I wouldn't have missed this for the world! Congrats!" Duo returned the grin and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.  
  
Heero knew he shouldn't have, but he couldn't help feeling a tinge of jealousy...  
  
"So, Duo, why were you so late?" Relena asked.  
  
"Oh, me?" Duo blushed slightly. "I just had a busy night. Sorry, I tried to hurry, but..."  
  
"Oh, that's quite all right!" She smiled. "So, you must've been out really late, eh Duo?"  
  
"Actually I wasn't really 'out'..." Duo yawned. "Hey, you're gonna have yourself a busy night tonight, right Relena?" He grinned mischievously.  
  
"Oh! Duo!!" Relena reddened.  
  
Heero's eyes darkened. His hand was clenched in a fist so tightly that his skin grew white. A busy night? Could Duo mean... No... Duo.... Why??   
  
"So, I will leave you two alone. I'm sure you guys have a lot of catching up to do!" Relena smiled. "I will see you soon!" She walked off towards her other guests.  
  
"So, Heero, how've you been?"  
  
Heero just stared at Duo. Looks like he hasn't changed much either. He's still as cocky, as cheerful, as confident, as ever. He's still the same guy I fell in love with...  
  
"Fine."   
  
"Me too. Say, I know it's only been a few years, but have ya gotten married?" Duo grinned.  
  
Heero's heart pounded. Married? No way. How could I, when there's you...  
  
"No... How... about... you?"  
  
"Nope. I'm just livin' the single life! It's much funner this way!" He winked.  
  
"Much more fun." Heero stonily corrected.  
  
"Oh yeah. Whatever!"   
  
More fun... Duo... Why? How could you have... What about us? What about me? Or maybe... You've never thought there could ever be an "us"...  
  
"Heero? Heero? Gosh, you're still as antisocial as ever..."  
  
"Duo."   
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Duo..." There's so much that I want to say. So much... I have to let him know how I feel... No matter what.  
  
"Heero?" Duo looked at him, a worried expression in his eyes.  
  
Heero took Duo's hand and brought him to a dark corner of the room.   
  
"Heero?" Duo asked again. "What's wrong? Are you ok? What's going..."  
  
Heero's look stopped Duo's words. His eyes, normally so cold, were so soft... They burned with... something. Almost like... passion...  
  
Heero leaned forward and kissed Duo's lips, sweetly, softly, but firmly. Duo's eyes widened. Heero finally retreated, only to see a shocked Duo.  
  
"Duo?" Heero's cobalt eyes were still darkened from the passion of their kiss...  
  
Duo closed his eyes. He opened them slowly, letting his gaze fall upon Heero. His eyes had lost their usual shine, their light. Heero gasped. Duo's stare was one of indifference and coldness, one that could rival any of Heero's...  
  
"Heero..." Duo broke the silence. "Let's go talk to the other pilots." With that, Duo walked away.  
  
Heero's heart nearly stopped. Duo... Duo.... Why!? Why don't you feel... the same way I do!? Duo... Heero silently followed him, feeling himself becoming overcome by pain, and darkness...  
****  
  
During the rest of the party, Duo returned to his usual, cheerful self. He even chatted with Heero, about everything, except the one thing that was on Heero's mind...  
  
Heero sighed. It's almost like he's trying to hide what happened. Or maybe... Maybe he really doesn't care at all... About our kiss... About me....  
  
"Goodbye everyone!" Quatre smiled sweetly. "Remember to keep in touch!"  
  
"We will." Trowa answered. "Farewell."  
  
"Maybe we'll see each other again." Wufei added.  
  
"Sure!! See ya later!!" Duo waved to the others as they left.  
  
Heero and Duo were the only ones left outside of Relena's manor. Duo turned to Heero, his eyes becoming cold once again.   
  
"So, I guess this is goodbye..." Heero began, never looking up at Duo's face, never meeting his eyes...  
  
"Yes, it is. Goodbye, Heero Yuy." Duo walked away from Heero towards his motorcycle. Heero watched as Duo sped away, without even one backwards glance...  
  
"Goodbye, Duo Maxwell." Heero shut his eyes, letting a single tear trickle down his face. "Goodbye, my friend... Goodbye, my love."   
****  
  
**Several months later**  
  
Relena smiled as she sorted through her mail. "Oh? This is from Heero. It's been months since the wedding. I wonder what he has to say?"  
  
She opened it and began to read his message. "Dear Relena, if something should ever happen to me, I would like you to give the enclosed letter to Duo. Please try your best to find him."  
  
Heero? What are you talking about? What's going on? Why... Relena eyes were clouded with tears as she noticed the end of the letter. "Thank you very much Relena, for everything. - Heero Yuy."  
  
Relena took out the other letter. She examined it, and found it had been slightly water damaged. What? Heero? Was that from your tears...  
****  
  
Heero stared at his reflection in the mirror. So, this is how nothingness looks like...  
  
Ever since Relena's wedding, Heero had spent more and more time staring through his window, looking at everything, and yet nothing, at the same time. He kept picturing that cold, dark look that Duo had given him that day, that look that he could never erase from his mind, no matter how much he wanted to...  
  
All Heero wanted was to replay that moment, to stop himself from making a complete fool of himself. To stop himself from breaking his and Duo's friendship, from letting Duo break his heart.  
  
~It doesn't mean much  
It doesn't mean anything at all  
The life I've left behind me  
Is a cold room~  
  
What do I have to live for now? Before, during those days with the others, I lived for the fight, for the war, for the colonies, for the Earth...   
  
And after the war? After I couldn't be a soldier anymore?  
  
Did I ever find that something I was looking for... that something that was worth living for?   
  
Heero closed his eyes. I... I think I did.  
  
I found Duo.  
  
I realized how much I loved him, no matter how hard I tried to stop myself from feeling that way, from feeling anything...  
  
And I still love him now. Even after...  
  
Even after that day... Now I can't even let myself keep that secret wish of mine hidden in the depths of my soul, that wish to be with Duo, to start a new life with him... Now I can't let myself keep that dream, because otherwise...  
  
Otherwise...  
  
I'd go crazy wanting him, needing him...  
  
While knowing that he feels nothing for me.  
  
~I've crossed the last line  
From where I can't return  
Where every step I took in faith  
Betrayed me  
And led me from my home~  
  
Why?! Why did I do that?! Heero once again fought back his tears, just as he had that day, just as he had every single day of his life since then... Or, am I really living now? Can I even call this a life?   
  
~Sweet surrender  
Is all that I have to give~  
  
All I have are the memories. The memories of the others, of Duo... His cocky smile, his expressive eyes, his unforgettable laugh... How he somehow managed to break down my heart of ice, how he made me really feel again...  
  
~You take me in   
No questions asked  
You strip away the ugliness  
That surrounds me  
Are you an angel  
Am I already that gone  
I only hope that I won't disappoint you  
When I'm done here on my knees~  
  
But, one of the most potent memories of Duo that I have is that moment when he rejected me, when he rejected my love...   
  
~And I don't understand  
By the touch of your hand  
I would be the one to fall~  
  
Heero rummaged around in his drawer. He found his most prized possession, a picture of him and Duo. He stared at it and noticed how happy Duo looked in the picture. Duo's arm was draped around Heero's neck in a playful headlock. Duo was smilingly cheerfully, while Heero had his usual cold stare. And yet, I know I was really happy in that moment. Just like I was during nearly all my moments with Duo...  
  
~I miss the little things  
Oh I miss everything   
About you~  
  
Heero, the picture still in one hand, continued to search the drawer. He found an explosive and his self destruction device, both keepsakes from the war. He took them out, closed the drawer, and slowly began connecting their wires together...  
  
~It doesn't mean much  
It doesn't mean anything at all  
The life I left behind me  
Is a cold room~  
  
Heero walked over to the window. He glanced up at the moonlit night, and happened to see a shooting star. How ironic. The one time I see a shooting star, is the one time that there's no point in me making my wish...  
  
~Sweet surrender  
Is all that I have to give  
Sweet surrender  
Is all that I have to give~  
  
Goodbye, Duo. I... I...  
  
I miss you.  
  
Heero pressed the button.  
****   
  
A lone, darkly clad figure was standing over a grave.   
  
His eyes flooding with tears, the man read the piece of paper clenched in his hand. It said, "Duo, I love you. I've loved you almost ever since I met you, and I will never stop loving you, no matter what. I love you Duo, always and forever. -Heero"   
  
"Heero..." He placed a single red rose on the grave.  
  
"Aishiteru, Heero. Always and forever."  
  
-Owari-  
  
Author's note: So, what did you think? I hope ya enjoyed it! It was the first fan fic I ever wrote! ;) I'm thinking about making a sequel about Duo. What d'ya think? 


End file.
